Since spring is all about lightening our load, externally and (hopefully) internally, I thought this note from a dear friend who does Family Constellation work would be poignant.
Family constellation is a system, a philosophy, that allows you to uncover the dynamics, entanglements and loyalties that you have or hold unconsciously towards your past and your ancestors that impact your present life. Again, these dynamics are mostly unconscious, yet they seem to impact every facet of your life.
The conversation was about the difference between acceptance and assent when it comes to dealing with life! And, here's how she distinguished the two...
In assent, there is surrender. There is compliance and a renunciation of our egoic positions. We speak of assent rather than acceptance because in acceptance, there is still too much of the self trying to take control. It is not the same to say “I accept” as it is to assent.
In acceptance, the self is the protagonist, claiming the decision to include or exclude. In surrender, reality is the main actor. And suffering is created by the ego, which has a rich arsenal of mental stratagems and defensive positions to try to evade or even attack reality: from crude denial (“I can’t face death or abandonment; it’s too much for me, so I act as if it hasn’t happened”), to violence towards others (“It happened because of them, and I’ll never forgive them”), or guilt, through self-aggression or shame (“It happened because of me, and I’ll never forgive myself”), to the “dualistic” response (“I’m so angry at death for taking my dear brother that now I challenge it by constantly putting myself in danger” or “I’m so overshadowed by the sexual abuse I suffered that now I harm myself as punishment”), in a kind of pathology that darkens existence.
How difficult it is to clearly see the facts, to allow them to hurt or enlighten us, to process them in our body and sensations, in our mind and heart, and to remain united within, congruent and not divided, driven by the essential truth that possesses us at every moment, sane, in sum! The challenge is to resist the temptation to challenge life, to arm wrestle it to see who is stronger.
The challenge lies in loving what is. Why? Because things get worse if we don’t.
If you’re thinking that you need to read this again to get it, I hear you! Read it multiple times with an *open* mind (and heart) and sit with it. Even and especially if it feels triggering.
I’m sharing this not because you need to accept every single word on blind fate, but solely as a perspective to entertain. Especially if what you’ve been doing thus far has not gotten you to where you’d like to go in life. In that case, perhaps taking a pause, reassessing and then changing course (i.e. changing perspective and as a result changing behavior) may be what is needed!
So my understanding of ascent, in this context, is facing life as an adult!
I find that when attempting to “lighten” our load internally, relying on a few clear maxims always helps to avoid overwhelm. And what I just shared, directly and indirectly, points to a few useful maxims...
Here’s to lightening our load and shedding some internal weight this season!